© Christina Hadfield
JUNIOR YEAR
“I’m telling you, they left together!”
“Alright,” Dr. Marlow answered, disinterested. “Perhaps she invited Tess over for dinner. We’ve had dinner parties with students before.”
“Yes, parties, not one-on-one,” Dr. Kemper answered.
“Well, Margaret has always worked a bit differently than the rest of us.”
“But they were so friendly with each other!”
“Yes, as you said.”
“She had Tess pinned up against her car!”
“Which could mean any number of things. Really, you need to stop reading into this so much.”
“But if they were…” Dr. Kemper looked around the office and lowered her voice, though they were alone. “But if they were ‘having romantic relations,’ it would explain so much! Think of the correlation between Tess and Margaret… the days when they’re both in such good moods, how Tess isn’t afraid to approach her, how there always seems to be an inside joke between Kai and Tess, and—”
“Even if they are, which I highly doubt, it really wouldn’t be any of our business, now would it?” Dr. Marlow commented.
“But they are! I just know it!”
“You might have seen something, but it was hardly evidence,” Dr. Marlow stated. “I’ll believe it when I see it, that’s all I’ve got to say.”
Dr. Kemper squinted her eyes. “I know something’s going on between the two of them, and by gosh, I’m going to prove it to you.”
“Evacuate the library!”
“Quick, quick, run!”
“Trust me, you’re not going to want to go in there!”
“What in the world is happening?” Kai questioned. She stood with Tess outside the library, watching the flood of people racing out. “I need to go study for midterms! They can’t be evacuating the library!”
Tess reached out and grabbed a freshman as they broke free from the library. “Hey, what’s going on?” she questioned.
The freshman seemed a bit disorientated, though he calmed enough to take in what Tess was asking. “Dr. Morgan’s in the library, second floor,” he stated. “She’s shouting at everyone, managed to clear all the floors below the fourth. I feel bad for anyone up there. They’re trapped, you see.”
Another bout of students burst out of the library: two girls, both bawling, and several guys trying their best to comfort the girls. The freshmen Tess grabbed wiggled away with them, his brow sweating.
Kai looked to the library, contemplating. “I need to print my paper,” she stated.
“I know,” Tess answered.
“And we promised Elle we’d pick that book up for her, which she needs to write her paper.”
“I know,” Tess stated again.
Kai looked over at Tess pointedly. “I think we both know what’s about to happen here.”
“We do?”
“Yes!” Kai stated emphatically. “Dr. Morgan rolled her eyes at me the other day in the hall, and I cried about it all night! You, on the other hand, are not at all scared of her and in fact happen to like her, therefore, you’re going into the library and getting her to chill the fuck out.”
“I’m not afraid of her, but that doesn’t mean I have any control over her,” Tess answered. “If she’s stressed out and that’s why she’s in such a bitter mood, I’ll hardly be able to mediate that.”
“Well then distract her while I print my paper and grab that book.”
“Fine.”
Kai sent Tess into the library first. The first floor was entirely desolate, save for the desk worker, who flagged Tess down.
“Best not go on the second floor,” the worker stated. “Got someone upstairs with a real bitter attitude—Dr. Morgan, if you’ve heard of her. I’m only telling you for your own good and safety, really. Best just come back later.”
“Thanks for the heads up,” Tess stated, but she kept going.
Upstairs there was slightly more commotion. There were students trying to slip out from the upper floors, creeping around bookshelves trying to avoid Dr. Morgan’s line of sight. Just from the way they were moving, and then bolting to the stairs once they came into view, Tess could pretty well figure where on the second floor Dr. Morgan was sitting.
“What are you staring at!?”
Tess turned in the direction of the shout, further confirming her suspicion. A couple more students came tearing around the corner, racing for the stairs with all their might.
“This is a library! Stop thrashing around like a herd of elephants!”
Tess boldly walked forward. She rounded the corner and spotted Dr. Morgan, in all her intimidating glory, sitting at a table covered in stacks of books. A younger girl tried to slip past, but found Dr. Morgan staring at her and startled, bumping into the table and knocking a stack of books over.
“Imbecile!” Dr. Morgan snapped. “Watch where you’re going!”
“I’m so sorry!” the girl wailed, but she was frozen in fear and Dr. Morgan’s ongoing shouting wasn’t helping.
Tess walked up to the table and gently grabbed the girl’s arm, tugging her past the table and ushering her off. Once the girl was far enough away, she too took off at a run for the stairs, still wailing. Then, Tess turned back to Dr. Morgan.
“That wasn’t very nice,” Tess muttered softly, righting the stack of books the girl knocked over.
“Those were in order,” Dr. Morgan snapped.
Tess’s hands stilled on one of the books, looking at the title. She frowned slightly. “Your experiment didn’t work, did it?”
Dr. Morgan groaned. “Do you mind?” she stated harshly. “I have a lot of work I need to get done, and you here talking is distracting and annoying, just like everyone in this dang library, using it as a social gathering hotspot rather than a quiet library.”
“I’m sorry,” Tess stated, sitting down across from Dr. Morgan. “I know you were really excited about the experiment and the future potential. It’s never fun to go back to the drawing board, but I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’re too smart not to.”
Dr. Morgan stared at Tess for a moment. Finally, she deflated. “Why are you so obstinate?” she questioned. “Why can’t I intimidate you like I intimidate everyone else?”
Tess smirked. “It’s hard to be intimidated by your shouting when I’ve had you pinned to a bed, coming undone, shouting in an entirely different manner.”
Dr. Morgan blushed, dipped her head, and kicked Tess under the table. Tess yelped, but laughed.
“You’ve pretty much evacuated the entire library,” Tess declared. “That’s a bit impressive, even for you.”
“I’ve done no such thing. If students can’t respect the rules of the library and choose to leave, I can’t take credit for that.”
“Uh huh, because yelling at people about making noise is absolutely following library rules,” Tess stated, rolling her eyes.
Dr. Morgan reached over with a book and slapped Tess on the upper arm. The girl laughed again, shoving back at Dr. Morgan’s arm. Their eyes met, both sparkling, Dr. Morgan’s stress near entirely lost. The intensity of the stare left Tess a bit breathless and her face flushed.
“Is it Friday yet?” Tess questioned meekly.
“I’m afraid it’s only Tuesday,” Dr. Morgan answered.
“Doing anything tonight?” Tess asked boldly.
“It’s a school and work night.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
Dr. Morgan searched Tess’s face for any insincerity, but she found none. Her heart hammered in her chest and she nearly caved. She leaned back slightly, clearing her throat.
“Patience is a virtue.”
“And good things come to those who wait,” Tess added, her smile practically glowing.
“But maybe… Saturday… if you haven’t plans already…”
“You’d let me stay? Maybe the entire day?”
“If you’re free…” Dr. Morgan said, her smile almost bashful.
Tess reached across the table and took Dr. Morgan’s hand in her own. “I think my Saturday’s free,” she stated with a wink.
From the safety of another section of the library, hidden behind a row of bookshelves and behind a wall of glass, two students—friends—stood watching.
“How… interesting…” the one stated.
“You know… I heard they’re sleeping together?”
“No way!” the other gasped. “Dr. Morgan and Tess Stanford?”
“Yep, that’s what I heard.”
“From whom? That’s got to be just the most absurd rumor.”
“No, I overheard Dr. Kemper and Dr. Marlow talking about it… and they aren’t the type to spread a meaningless student rumor.”
“No, I don’t suppose they are.”
“And now they’re sitting together in the library? There’s got to be something going on between those two.”
“I did hear an upperclassman ran into Dr. Morgan at a gay bar… and Tess, she’s got that rainbow sticker on her laptop.”
“Yep, see? Must be true.”
“But still, who would have thought… Dr. Morgan… sleeping with a student, and Tess, facing up against the Queen of Hell herself. Crazy.”
Dr. Morgan lied awake in her bed, resting on her back, with Tess curled against her chest. She ran her hand along the girl’s bare back, slowly, subconsciously, just thinking. It was late on Saturday night. She needed to be up by seven to ensure she’d make it to brunch with Dr. Greenwood, but she wished deep down she was having brunch with Tess instead.
The weekend was perhaps revolutionary for their relationship… or at least something had changed between them. Dr. Morgan couldn’t feel anything wrong, so the change had to be good, but any change was a bit unnerving.
Friday was typical for them. Tess drove to Dr. Morgan’s house—she had a later meeting Friday and if she was going to stay later Saturday, they figured it might just be easier. Dr. Morgan had dinner ready when Tess arrived—a pasta dish—and they laughed as they ate, Tess telling the most ridiculous stories. After dinner, Tess helped with the dishes, and Dr. Morgan found it was all too domestic. Unable to control the swelling of her heart, she spun Tess away from the sink and pinned her against the counter, kissing her furiously. They came together hard in the kitchen, fell back onto the couch in the living room, and then finally made it back to the bedroom.
Saturday, they woke lazily. Before, Dr. Morgan always woke first and early, slipping off to the kitchen to make some coffee and sometimes, even, she’d made pancakes just to see Tess’s face light up. That morning, however, Tess woke first, and she woke Dr. Morgan gently with soft touches and light kisses… kisses that turned deeper as Tess made true her promise of eventual morning sex. It was different, outside of Dr. Morgan’s comfort zone. Morning sex was softer, lazier, more thorough, and closer, all things Dr. Morgan had fought to avoid in her quick romps. But with Tess, she drank in the feelings, allowed herself to relax and commit every movement and touch to memory as if it were something precious she’d never again have.
They had breakfast, because Tess’s stomach wouldn’t stop growling, and again, they laughed. They teased each other, poked each other, but laughed and smiled. Then, Tess complained that she needed a shower. Dr. Morgan, feeling a bit uncomfortable with sharing her space, awkwardly gathered an extra towel and showed Tess where everything was in the bathroom, backing out meekly. But before she could escape the bathroom, Tess grabbed her hand and tugged her back, connecting their lips.
“I might need some help reaching my back,” Tess stated almost challengingly. “And I definitely need some company.”
Dr. Morgan just nodded as Tess tugged her into the shower.
Again, shower sex was more intimate that a quick late-night hook up. They were both wide awake, talking, touching each other gingerly as they took turns lathering each other up. Dr. Morgan tried not to think too hard, tried to focus on the moment and not her own feelings. She caught herself thinking though that Tess had never looked more beautiful with water cascading down over her body. She nearly choked on her feelings then, but hid them away, putting all her might and energy into making Tess feel as good as she possibly could.
Once they were clean and dry and dressed again, Dr. Morgan felt it was getting a bit late. She didn’t want Tess to go but didn’t figure Tess would want to stay longer. She went to her room only momentarily to put up her hair, and when she returned to the living room, she found Tess snuggled onto the couch, a movie ready to play on TV. Tess reached out and beckoned her over.
“A… documentary?” Dr. Morgan questioned when she saw what was on the TV.
“A science documentary, yes,” Tess stated with mirth. “I was hoping you might have some comments about their claims.”
“I’m sure it was adequately researched,” Dr. Morgan muttered.
She did however find several things to comment on, which always got Tess to laugh, so she worked harder to find more things to comment on. She found her attention wavering, however, when Tess grabbed her around the waist and cuddled into her.
After the documentary, they just talked, still cuddled against each other on the couch. They got up for food, as Dr. Morgan was pretty sure Tess couldn’t go a full three hours without eating, but they always seemed to end up back on the couch, sitting close, touching, enjoying the weight of each other’s bodies pressed close. Before Dr. Morgan knew it, it was dark outside, and Tess was yawning against her. She led Tess back to bed like she had many times before, but it was different, as she simply tucked the girl in and slid in beside her.
Partway through the night, Tess woke and pulled her shirt off, complaining she was hot, and then she insisted Dr. Morgan take hers off as well, as the fabric was itchy on Tess’s bare skin. Dr. Morgan didn’t mind. The girl seemed to sleep better, more soundly, when their bare skin was pressed together. Dr. Morgan dozed, only slightly.
Yes, something had changed. They spent an entire day together… and then fell asleep without the exhaustion of sex. Yet they still cuddled, always wanted the other near and never too far. Dr. Morgan understood her need, knew it was because she was falling impossibly harder for the girl. Tess confused her though. Did the girl only seek company? Companionship? A temporary fill to a void left by moving away to college, living on her own in an unfamiliar land? Perhaps that was true of a freshman, but was it too much of a stretch to claim for a junior? Did Dr. Morgan dare let herself believe her feelings were returned, mirrored in the girl cuddled against her?
No, Dr. Morgan dared not dream something so wonderful.
It’s not that Dr. Marlow believed what Dr. Kemper said, because it was entirely too farfetched and absurd. No, student and professor relationships were not unheard of, and yes, it had happened once or twice on campus, but it was who Dr. Kemper claimed were sleeping together. Tess was… well admittedly Dr. Marlow had always assumed she was straight, but Tess did have a bit of queerness to her so maybe that wasn’t a fair assumption. But Dr. Morgan? That woman didn’t know how to be kind to another person. And there was no way Tess would take such abuse on the regular. Tess was stronger than that, saw through the bullshit in others with no issue, and hadn’t a problem telling it as it was.
There was the issue of Dr. Morgan being somewhat tolerable as of late. She was still rude and snappish. Dr. Marlow, just the other day, had to comfort one of her students after a particularly nasty encounter with the gen chem lab coordinator. And still a week before, she comforted another traumatized student who accidently stumbled into the wrong lab—Dr. Morgan’s lab—and got nastily chewed out. But she was surprisingly better at their co-department meetings. She seemed more distracted, lost in her own thoughts, but if that kept her quiet, who was Dr. Marlow to complain?
And no, she didn’t believe what Dr. Kemper said, not exactly, because she only saw them leave together which could mean anything, but she did keep thinking about it. She blamed Dr. Kemper, then, for why she ended up on the second floor of the biology building late afternoon on a Thursday, because she had to go downstairs and converse with her co-professor. But she also blamed Dr. Kemper for why she took a detour around the floor before heading back upstairs, and she especially blamed Dr. Kemper for why she slowed down next to Dr. Morgan’s office and casually peered into the room.
She barely glanced inside, hardly registering what she saw, but it caused Dr. Marlow to stop and slide back, quite slowly. Inside the office, she saw Dr. Morgan sitting on the couch, reading through some papers, which was not unusual. What was unusual was that Tess was there as well, lying down on the couch, with her head in Dr. Morgan’s lap, seemingly asleep. And Dr. Morgan was running her fingers through Tess’s hair.
It didn’t mean anything, of course. But still… maybe there was some validity to what Dr. Kemper said.
Tess liked Dr. Greenwood. She really liked Dr. Greenwood. In class Dr. Greenwood was fun. She was knowledgeable in history and literature, brought links to light in the readings Tess never would have be able to find on her own, and Tess found she was really enjoying the class quite thoroughly. But Dr. Greenwood out of class… she was spectacular.
It was funny to Tess that Dr. Greenwood and Dr. Morgan were friends. They were entirely opposite, Dr. Morgan all sarcasm and snappy remarks, Dr. Greenwood all smiles and carefree. But Tess found she rather liked being stuck right in the mix of them, watching how they interacted. In public, out on campus, Tess never saw them together. Dr. Morgan pretended she liked to maintain her reputation and Dr. Greenwood definitely interfered with that. But sometimes Tess would wander into Dr. Greenwood’s office and find Dr. Morgan sprawled on one of the couches.
“Hi, Tess,” Dr. Greenwood greeted the girl as she knocked on the open office door.
“Hello, Dr. Greenwood!” Tess smiled, greeting the woman. “I just finished my paper, and I took your comments to heart, so hopefully it’s—Margaret!”
Dr. Greenwood smirked, holding back a laugh as Tess was entirely distracted by the presence of the other woman. She reclined back at her desk, watching as Tess went straight to Dr. Morgan, who sat on one of the mismatched couches.
“You weren’t in your office today,” Tess stated with slight annoyance, though she was smiling. She rested her hands on the arms of the couch, hovering over Dr. Morgan, looking as intimidating as she could, which wasn’t very much. “I thought you were hiding from me.”
“There were some things I wanted to discuss with Amy, and it was the only time she was free,” Dr. Morgan answered.
Tess’s eyes racked over the other woman. “Is that a new blazer? I like it. It’s rather stunning on you.”
“I found it in the back of my closet actually,” Dr. Morgan answered. “Do you mind? I’m trying to relax here and you’re cramping my space.”
Per usual, Tess ignored her, and leaned closer, whispering in the woman’s ear, “I’d rather like to take that blazer off you…”
“Ahem,” Dr. Greenwood cleared her throat loudly.
“Terribly sorry,” Dr. Morgan choked out, her face bright red. “Some of us haven’t learned any manners.”
“Well, I’m not sorry,” Tess stated, dropping her backpack. She then shoved against Dr. Morgan, wiggling down in the same one-person chair Dr. Morgan was sitting in. The woman complained loudly, though she shifted around until they were both comfortable, Tess practically sitting in her lap.
“There’s an empty chair right there,” Dr. Morgan complained, gesturing wildly to the other mismatched couch.
“Dr. Greenwood’s going to sit there,” Tess answered.
Dr. Greenwood shook her head, standing to come join them in the sitting area. She told Tess on multiple occasions to call her Amy, especially when out of class, but Tess refused. The girl said it would be different once the semester was over, once she was no longer taking Dr. Greenwood’s class, but for the time being it would remain ‘Dr. Greenwood.’
“What have you two been chatting about?” Tess questioned, looking between the pair of friends.
“Various things,” Dr. Greenwood answered. “Students, work, dating apps.”
“Dating apps?” Tess questioned.
“I’m thinking about trying one out,” Dr. Greenwood answered. “I… I don’t know though. Maybe I should just accept that I’m going to be single now. It’s just difficult after thinking you found the one and then, well…”
“I could help you!” Tess stated excitedly. “We could set up just the best profile for you and you’ll get tons of matches, totally.”
“I’m afraid I don’t quite have the dating skills anymore,” Dr. Greenwood laughed.
“I could help you with that too,” Tess stated. “I like to think I have a decent flirt game.”
Dr. Morgan shifted a bit uncomfortably under Tess. Up to that point, she hadn’t really considered Tess might be seeing and hooking up with other girls, or even talking to other girls. But in that moment, she thought about it, and she realized Dr. Greenwood was right. No matter what happened, in the end she was going to get her heart broken, and she realized that moment might come sooner rather than later.
“Sorry, am I squishing you?” Tess questioned, adjusting.
“No, I—my leg is just falling asleep,” Dr. Morgan lied. She reached out and rested her hand on Tess’s thigh longingly, selfishly, trying to hold them together in a way impossible to the physical world.
“Terribly sorry about that,” Tess stated. She turned and kissed Dr. Morgan squarely on the cheek. Dr. Morgan pulled back, slightly shocked, and Tess blushed.
“I—it’s fine,” Dr. Morgan stated hoarsely.
Tess slid up onto the arm of the couch, giving Dr. Morgan reprieve, but Dr. Morgan wished the girl hadn’t. She felt suddenly very emotional, needy, and she hated the feeling, so she swallowed the lump in her throat and told herself it didn’t matter. She didn’t need Tess, Tess wasn’t hers to have, and it was only ever casual, nothing more. Tess and Dr. Greenwood continued talking, leaving Dr. Morgan to stew. She was entirely lost in her thoughts when Tess’s hand slipped down into her lap and pulled Dr. Morgan out of her thoughts when the girl began to run her thumb back and forth across Dr. Morgan’s hand.
Dr. Greenwood noted this, though she said nothing. She spoke briefly with Tess about the book they were currently reading in class, and then Tess got up, squeezing Dr. Morgan’s hand before she slipped away.
“I have to get to work, but it was lovely talking with you both,” Tess stated. “See you in class, Dr. Greenwood. And, Maggie—” she turned and winked at Dr. Morgan— “see you tomorrow!”
Once Tess was gone from the office, Dr. Greenwood turned to Dr. Morgan. “Maggie?” she questioned.
“Another obnoxious habit she’s picked up,” Dr. Morgan muttered.
“I think it’s cute… Maggie,” Dr. Greenwood said, grinning. “So… how are those feelings working out?”
“I’m absolutely fucked,” Dr. Morgan groaned. “I… I hate feelings! There’s like a tugging at my chest, begging me to go after her, even just now, even though I know I’ll see her tomorrow, that she needs to go to work, but I just… I can’t stand these feelings. And… and she’s going to leave someday, for good, and all I’ll have are distant memories, bittersweet because I’ll know she’s gone and never coming back, but sweet all the same for how she made me feel.”
Dr. Greenwood blinked at her friend in disbelief. “Margaret… she’s made a romantic out of you!”
“What? No!” Dr. Morgan protested.
“Yes! A year ago, you never would have said something like that. You would have always denied caring, refused to let yourself feel, and you would have been so matter of fact about it, like, ‘We had a good run, but it’s time to move on, the end.’”
“I… um…”
“I think it’s beautiful, Margaret, really, I truly do,” Dr. Greenwood continued. “And of course, it’s not my place—I can’t speak for another person—but I don’t think your feelings are as one sided as you claim them to be.”
“Of course they are.”
“She could sense you stewing behind her… couldn’t stand being even a few inches apart from you, needed to touch you, so she reached down and ran her thumb across your hand. That’s a very comforting gesture—not something that would come from someone who doesn’t care.”
“She… might care…” Dr. Morgan admitted, “but that’s just because she is, in general, a caring person. She would have done the same for you if she thought you were struggling.”
“Doubt it,” Dr. Greenwood answered. Tess had never gotten so close to her before, never gotten so close to anyone in class, not even when sharing her book with a classmate. Tess was nice, most definitely, but not overly touchy. No, she sought out Dr. Morgan the same way Dr. Morgan seemed to be longing for the girl. “I think you should tell her that you’re in love with her.”
“In… in love is a rather strong statement,” Dr. Morgan muttered. “Love… do I love her? I mean, perhaps. But in love, I don’t—”
“You’re in love with her.”
“I mean, but there’s—”
“In love.”
“And I just—”
“Margaret. You’re in love with her.”
“I… maybe.”
“You are. And I really think you ought to tell her.”
“I would never.”
“What about next year, when she’s graduating, and moving on?” Dr. Greenwood questioned. “Would you tell her then, at your last chance, so the outcome doesn’t matter, she’d be leaving either way?”
Dr. Morgan’s chest tightened at the thought of Tess leaving, forever, in only a year. She shook the thoughts away. “You’re assuming our little… arrangement… will survive another year.”
Dr. Greenwood smirked. “Oh, I have no doubt that it will.”
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