© Christina Hadfield
JUNIOR YEAR
Out of the two semesters in a school year—excluding summer, which hardly counted—spring semester was always Dr. Greenwood’s favorite. There was something about the warming weather that increased hope and excitement, left everyone with something good to look forward to. And the semester ended with summer, what a glorious time of the year, even better than winter break with holidays. The warming weather brought her outside more, sparked more creative conversation, and helped inspire greater thinking. No more winter depression, just sunlight, warmth, and new life. A new beginning… she was inspired to finally heal, to better herself and move on with her new life, a life where she was single, but she had her best friend back, and really what else mattered?
This spring semester promised to be even better, however, because she had been approved to once again teach her all-time favorite class. It was a class she fought to get into the curriculum, one she fought even harder to get to cover gen ed requirements and not just be for specialized majors, and she felt very deeply connected to the class. It was a LGBTQ+ Literature and History class. They read all the classics, like The Picture of Dorian Grey and The Well of Loneliness. The class always attracted those students within the community, hoping to learn about their roots and express themselves through literature. She built the most solid relationships with students in that class every time she taught it. She felt like a fun aunt, offering protection and happiness to her students, and she loved hearing their input on anything and everything.
On the first day of class, she required everyone to say a little something about themselves. Fun facts helped her remember their names and their faces, associated with a little tidbit, and the class was small enough it was personal and often quite fun. She shared her own fact about herself first, of course, which was that her apartment was haunted, and she recently named the ghost, “Lewis,” after an old coworker that always gave her a headache. When one student admitted they were trying to get into witchcraft, she asked them for sage so she could realign the energy of her house and hopefully get rid of Lewis for good.
All her students were amazing and fun, and she knew the class, and the semester, was going to be great. One student was overly flexible and did the splits. Another was very into chakras. One was afraid of January because they associated it with snakes—that was an extra odd one. A few had odd culinary tastes, and a few had even weirder, obscure music interests, but that was what Dr. Greenwood loved. She liked that her community was full of queer individuals with equally queer interests.
One student caught Dr. Greenwood’s attention from the beginning of class, and the entire time she was watching carefully, waiting for which name she would call that would match the girl. The girl was… cute. She was friendly enough, openly smiling, but somewhat reserved unless provoked. Her fashion sense was good, if not a bit queer, and Dr. Greenwood figured she wasn’t straight—not that she ever thought any of her students in that particular class were. The course attracted a certain crowd which Dr. Greenwood was also happy for.
But no, the girl was attractive. It made her think of her friend, Dr. Morgan, who was sleeping with a student. Dr. Greenwood didn’t figure that she would ever do such a thing, didn’t think she’d be able to handle sleeping with a student with the same grace Dr. Morgan handled it, but if she was going to pursue a student, she figured that girl might be the one.
“Okay, okay, a very interesting talent!” Dr. Greenwood laughed, pulling up her roster again. “Alright, let’s see, who’s next. Ahh… Tess Stanford.”
“Here.” The girl raised her hand and Dr. Greenwood zoned in on her. Tess. Tess Stanford. Dr. Greenwood didn’t figure she’d forget that name any time soon.
Dr. Greenwood told her class that her office hours were Wednesday afternoon, and yes, Wednesday was the day after their first class, and yes, she technically should have had her office hours, but they’d only had one class which was full of introductions and laughs. She hardly thought any student would want to talk to her so soon. They hadn’t read anything, hadn’t written any papers to need feedback on.
Which was why Dr. Greenwood was so startled when she rounded the corner of the English department building and nearly ran straight into a student waiting outside her office door.
“Hi, Dr. Greenwood. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
It was Tess. Dr. Greenwood swallowed hard, adjusting her things, moving to unlock her door. “No, no, it’s quite alright. I should be the one apologizing. I’m nearly thirty minutes late. I do hope you weren’t waiting too long… I wasn’t expecting anyone to come to my office hours.”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be here today, seeing as we just started the semester, but I was in the area, so I thought I’d swing by, just in case.”
“Well, come on in,” Dr. Greenwood stated, stepping aside to let the girl into her office. “Tess, right?” She asked out of politeness; she knew the girl’s name was Tess. Tess Stanford.
“Yes, that’s me,” Tess answered, nodding. She stood just in the doorway, looking around the office, taking everything in.
Dr. Morgan had described her office as being ‘eclectic.’ Dr. Greenwood supposed it fit. She had two couches, saved from two different decades, and her floor was covered in rugs of all colors she had found at flea markets. Her desk was old, but it worked, and the wood hardly matched the bookshelf beside it, or the one behind it, or the one on the far wall. She had all kinds of books, which was a given, in various states of disarray as she herself loved her books roughly and she bought well-loved books second hand as well. Her walls were covered in art and posters, all of a rather queer origin, and she had many trinkets on her shelves collected from all walks of life.
“Here, let’s sit,” Dr. Greenwood stated. She sat down in one of the mismatched couches and gestured for Tess to sit in the other. “What brings you to my office today?”
“Well, I’m in honors,” Tess explained, slinging off her backpack and sitting down. “I could take another honors class next year, but I thought your class might be nice to double count for credit. I just wanted to discuss with you what extra work you would have me do if I were to take your class for honors’ credit.”
So she was in honors. It made sense. Tess did seem like an overachiever, though humble. Dr. Greenwood was more than happy to help Tess get honors credit, so they chatted for a bit about what that might look like. And then, Dr. Greenwood casually branched into other topics, like what it was that Tess aspired to do, who she was as a person, and what her dreams were.
In the short amount of time Tess was in her office, Dr. Greenwood learned a great deal about the girl. She learned that Tess was a biology student, that she was a TA for an intro bio class, and she was doing undergraduate lab work under another professor. She learned that Tess wanted to do research work to advance medicine, that she loved all animals though she preferred cats, and that she was living on campus with a friend from freshmen year.
While Dr. Greenwood listened and conversed, she couldn’t help but be reminded of her own dear friend. Tess was polar opposite to Dr. Morgan in many regards. She was light and inviting, friendly, and wholly kind—well mannered. But they were also eerily similar. Tess was ambitious and driven but completely science oriented. The way she talked was so matter of fact, revealing bits about her but never too much, careful of her words and aware of her surroundings. Dr. Greenwood didn’t know how Tess would get along in her class, being so science oriented, but she knew that despite years of trying, she had never managed to convert Dr. Morgan into a literature lover.
“It’s too subjective,” Dr. Morgan always said. “You say there’s hidden meaning there, that the language weaves patterns deep into feelings. I need evidence—cold and hard and undeniable. Everything you claim, another expert in your field could argue. What I claim in my field is undeniable, unless human error occurred, and you can avoid that through repetition. I can’t live in your world, Amy. It’s too colorful and fluid. I need my black and white, my laws and patterns that never change.”
It felt like something Tess might say. In fact, Tess admitted she wasn’t very knowledgeable in literature and much preferred the known safety of science. They were so identical in so many ways. And Dr. Greenwood thought that maybe, if the semester went well and they became friends, she’d have to introduce Tess to Dr. Morgan because they would surely get along great.
“Did you miss me?”
Dr. Morgan glanced up from her paperwork, noting Tess poking her head in through the office door. She shrugged. “I found myself with more free time and less interruptions… I’d hardly consider that a problem.”
Tess slid the rest of the way into the office, pulling the door shut behind her. She procured a paper bag from behind her back, setting it down on Dr. Morgan’s desk before she went over to the couch.
“I missed you over break,” Tess stated, lying down on the couch. “I found myself thinking about you periodically… wishing you were around… wishing your hands were on my body…”
Dr. Morgan watched her, thinking how very similar the girl was to Dr. Greenwood, in the way she sat, her pestering nature, and even how she remembered Dr. Morgan’s favorite order. The woman fished her food out of the bag, taking a bite.
After a minute of slow and deliberate chewing, she swallowed and turned to the girl. “I don’t suppose your Fridays are still free?”
“Of course,” Tess answered. “The TA meeting was moved to right after class, at ten in the morning, and I get out of class at noon, so I can come over whenever you want. I could even drive to your house and meet you there, if you’re sick of chauffeuring me.”
“I don’t mind driving you,” Dr. Morgan stated. “We can play it by ear. I don’t see why we couldn’t take turns.”
“Sorry it took me almost a full two weeks to come see you,” Tess then added, and Dr. Morgan paused, confused at the apology. “It’s just… well I had a lot of kinks to work out at the start of the semester and classes were a bit crazy, just the adjustment, you know. But rest assured, I’ll be crashing your office now four times a week; I’ve just got my schedule worked out.”
“Four?”
“Yes, every day except Tuesday. I have class all morning, then it’s straight into physics lab, which is a stupid three hours long. Plus, I’ve got work afterwards. Tuesday’s are going to suck.”
“How unfortunate.”
“So, what did you get up to over break?” Tess questioned. “I went home, got to see my family and my high school friends. We did a photoshoot out in the snow if you want to see the pictures.”
“I… didn’t get up too much,” Dr. Morgan muttered.
“Did you celebrate the holidays?” Tess inquired. “Christmas, I’m guessing, since you’re an atheist, but I assume you still subscribe to the consumerist holiday. It’s hard to avoid.”
“Yes. I spent Christmas with a… friend of mine.”
Tess sat up, smirking. “A friend, huh?”
“Yes, that’s what I said.”
“I didn’t think you had friends.”
Dr. Morgan scoffed. “You’re still just as insufferable as ever, I see.”
Tess shrugged. “I knew, always knew, you weren’t as heartless as everyone claimed.” She settled back again, munching on her food. “So, you spent Christmas with a friend. Family dinners too confrontational for you?”
“I don’t have any family left,” Dr. Morgan answered.
Tess glanced cautiously towards the other woman. The comment was made so passively, as if it weren’t such a sad thing, as if it weren’t something that surely had such an impact on a person.
“Margaret…?” Tess muttered.
Dr. Morgan shrugged slightly, focusing back on her paperwork uncomfortably. “My… parents died a long time ago; I was already in college. Car crash… I was old enough to be on my own, but my aunt tried to meddle a lot. We fought, ending up severing ties. She was my only connection to the rest of my family, so… I’ve been alone for so long though; I don’t really think about it anymore.”
Suddenly, a pair of arms were wrapped around Dr. Morgan’s shoulders. She turned slightly, raising her arms to receive the hug as Tess nuzzled into her collar bone.
“This… is unnecessary,” Dr. Morgan forced out. “Release me.”
Tess listened, stepping back from the woman. “It’s even more heartbreaking that you don’t realize how sad that is,” Tess whispered, and Dr. Morgan thought, horrifically, that the girl might start crying. Luckily, she didn’t though, and returned to the couch.
“Anyway,” Dr. Morgan stated, clearing her throat. “My friend’s family lives across the country, she rarely sees them, so we both just decided to celebrate together. It worked out fine.”
“Fine,” Tess echoed. “The holidays aren’t supposed to be fine. They’re supposed to be relaxing, joyous, and memorable.”
“A bit boring without you pestering me constantly, I’ll admit.”
Tess beamed. “I knew you missed me.”
“Yes, well, can’t you be quiet? I’ve got to finish reading this paper and it’s near impossible for me to read without complete silence.”
“Of course, Margaret.”
“And stop calling me that.”
“It’s your name, isn’t it?”
“Only off campus.”
“Fine, Dr. Morgan,” Tess mocked.
Spring semester of Tess’s junior year continued on. Tess and Dr. Morgan saw each other multiple times throughout the week, whenever Tess found she had a break between her commitments. With the stress of organic chemistry gone, Tess felt rejuvenated. She was on the downhill slope of undergrad, excited for the opportunities that lay in her wake.
Their multiple weekly meetings became more talkative. Dr. Morgan found talking to Tess almost as easy as she found talking to Dr. Greenwood. The girl was never overly talkative, didn’t talk over Dr. Morgan and she was, to Dr. Morgan’s delight, capable of shutting up. Dr. Morgan felt compelled to add her own tidbits after things Tess said, unlike when she talked to other people, and they both found they were steadily learning more about each other.
Every Friday they continued to meet in a different light. At first it was wanton, just like the semester before. They would crash into each other like starving dogs, barely able to keep their hands off each other long enough to get back to Dr. Morgan’s house. Then they’d pound each other all through the house, for hours, until they collapsed from exhaustion and fell into a deep sleep, stretching until the next morning. Sometimes, they still went at each other so harshly. But, as they got to know each other better, they started valuing their conversations and found they had more patience. They were going to sleep together. They did so every week. They weren’t going to stop. Why then, did they need to act so frantic?
Tess started driving over to Dr. Morgan’s house as well. It was helpful when Tess found herself on the other side of campus, away from the biology building but near student parking, so she wouldn’t have to hike all over campus. More free time after school meant earlier arrival times at Dr. Morgan’s, and before she even realized it, Dr. Morgan was cooking dinner for the both of them before they dove into things. It helped keep their endurance up, they argued. And then, while eating once, Tess noticed a couple of board games Dr. Greenwood had left—from their own game nights—and a week later Dr. Morgan decided to indulge the girl, who hadn’t stopped pestering her about playing.
“Not fair! You cheated!” Tess exclaimed, leaping up from her seat she was so agitated.
“How?” Dr. Morgan demanded. “I rolled a three. How could I possibly have cheated?”
“This whole game you kept getting the role you needed, right off, and you drew that card at the beginning which—”
“I told you that you weren’t going to want to play with me,” Dr. Morgan stated, a glint of amusement in her eyes.
“I’m livid with you!” Tess snapped, moving around the table towards the other woman. “But I am also extremely turned on by your cockiness.”
“Come here then,” Dr. Morgan declared, reaching out and pulling the girl towards her. She pulled Tess into her lap and kissed her, letting out a breathy moan when Tess ran her fingers through the woman’s hair.
“Have I ever told you how much I love your hair?” Tess questioned, pulling gently on the hair at the base of Dr. Morgan’s neck. “It’s dark and shiny, contrasts nicely with your skin—”
“I think you’ve mentioned it once or twice… perhaps when you hand was tangled in it, trying to press my face closer to your center…”
Tess grabbed and jerked the fistful of hair she was holding, finding Dr. Morgan smiling when she pulled the woman’s head back. Tess shook her head slightly. She kissed the woman, still holding her head back, then she pulled away, gazing at Dr. Morgan fondly, and stated, “You’re really something else, Maggie.”
Dr. Morgan was already fighting against Tess’s hold, trying to lean in and bite the girl’s neck. It took a moment for her lust-hazy brain to register what the girl had just said. When she did, she sat up straight, and frowned.
“Maggie?” she questioned in disbelief.
Tess nodded simply and moved to kiss Dr. Morgan, but the woman pulled back.
“Maggie?” she asked more incredulously.
“Yes, Maggie, short for Margaret,” Tess explained. “Don’t you know how nicknames work?”
“I don’t have a nickname!”
“You do now,” Tess answered with a shrug.
“You… you can’t just give me a nickname—”
“Why not? How else do you think people get nicknames?”
“Because you shouldn’t be calling me Margaret in the first place, let alone Maggie.”
“Ooo,” Tess muttered. “That’s really unfortunate for you then, because I happen to call you both Margaret and now Maggie rather often.”
“Miss Stanford!”
“Maggie!”
“Tess!”
Tess broke, smirking, before she burst out laughing and buried her face against Dr. Morgan’s shoulder.
She hadn’t been to the bar in nearly six months. Dr. Greenwood outgrew her need for quick rebounds, settling into single life once more, and though Dr. Morgan went to the bar every weekend, alone, for years, she found she really no longer wanted to. She didn’t want to hook up with other women.
Of course, the relationship she had with Tess was very casual. They hadn’t defined it exactly, not what boundaries it entailed—outside of the bedroom, of course—but Dr. Morgan was pretty sure it was open. Tess wouldn’t say anything, or care, frankly, if Dr. Morgan took in other partners. They’d need to be more careful about protection, of course, because she didn’t want to give Tess anything. But she just… didn’t want to hook up with anyone else.
She was getting her fair share of sex, and good sex too, with plenty of orgasms to satisfy her. Tess was a perfect partner in bed, met Dr. Morgan where she hit and even raised the bar. But it wasn’t entirely that either. Part of it was that in every other woman Dr. Morgan looked at, she saw and compared them to Tess.
That was dangerous. She was playing a very dangerous game.
She was also pretty sure Tess and she were friends. She never did like defining relationships, but well, she ate meals with Tess, they shared their days with each other, they played board games together, and they even drank together, now that Tess was twenty-one. Dr. Morgan did everything she did with Dr. Greenwood with Tess, and they were friends, so now, surely Tess and she were friends?
She also found that she really liked having Tess in her life. She laughed with Tess. She had fun with Tess, regardless if they were fully clothed or naked. Which was why Dr. Morgan realized, with increasing dread, she had broken the unspoken fourth rule of her hookups: never fall in love.
“I… I need to talk to you. Like… right now.”
Dr. Greenwood took in the appearance of her friend. Dr. Morgan was a bit disheveled, not as prim and proper as she usually was, and there was clearly something deeply troubling bothering her. Dr. Greenwood glanced down at her watch. It wasn’t even noon yet and Dr. Morgan had, what, run down to the fine arts side of campus just to assault Dr. Greenwood in her office?
“I gathered it was urgent when you showed up on this side of campus during school hours,” Dr. Greenwood stated, trying to be a bit lighthearted. Dr. Morgan didn’t appreciate it. “Very well. I have a meeting in the library though so I’d like it if we could walk and talk.”
“I... I can’t… I can’t talk about this when there’s other students around.”
“Ahh, so it’s about that girl you’re hooking up with,” Dr. Greenwood stated with a smirk. Dr. Morgan seemed to grow pale. “Oh, do lighten up, Margaret. I’m sure whatever is troubling you won’t get worse by this evening, but until then, why don’t you walk with me and I’ll tell you stories to distract you. How does that sound?”
“Agreeable, I suppose.”
“Fantastic!”
Dr. Greenwood grabbed her jacket, spinning into it like a dramatic detective. She headed out of her office, Dr. Morgan sulking along behind her. As they left the English building, Dr. Greenwood figured they must look like quite the pair. She was there, in her ‘hippie’ attire, as Dr. Morgan liked to call it, a drastic contrast to the very formal outfits Dr. Morgan always wore. Dr. Greenwood was like a beacon of sunshine, already saying hi to several people as they passed by, while Dr. Morgan glowered at everyone, and kept everyone a few yards away.
The contrast of light and dark reminded Dr. Greenwood of the papers her favorite class had just turned in, specifically her favorite student’s. Tess was, as Dr. Greenwood predicted, struggling to voice her opinions in writing—STEM majors often struggled—but she could tell the girl was really trying. Tess was in Dr. Greenwood’s office rather frequently, trying to get help putting her thoughts into words she could write down, and Dr. Greenwood had quickly and easily found great enjoyment in their conversations. Tess still reminded her of Dr. Morgan. Perhaps she should tell Dr. Morgan about the girl.
“I’ve got this girl in my queer lit class that I think you’d get on rather well with,” Dr. Greenwood stated. “She reminds me of you, though I will say she’s putting in far more effort to enjoy literature than you ever will. Though I swear I’ll make a poetry lover out of you someday.”
“I don’t get along with students,” Dr. Morgan grumbled.
“No, except in the case of your very special lady.”
“Amy, I told you I couldn’t—”
“Yes, details, but let’s be realistic, Margaret. You’re keeping everyone far enough away they wouldn’t even be able to listen in, with your moody brooding and all.”
“It’s very personal though and I don’t like my business being paraded around like some cheap gossip.”
“No one is doing anything of the sort!” Dr. Greenwood scoffed. “Tell me, did you two fight?”
“Of course, we fight daily.”
“Not over meaningless stuff, not flirtatious fighting, I mean, did you have a real bad fight and that’s why you’re so upset and moody today?”
“No, I’m just afraid that I’ve… grown a bit fond of her…”
Dr. Morgan whispered those words so softly, Dr. Greenwood nearly missed them. She heard them though, and Dr. Greenwood smiled kindly at her friend.
“How wonderful,” Dr. Greenwood stated. “Explain why you look terrified.”
“I am!” Dr. Morgan practically barked. “I’ve only ever cared for one person in my life, and that was me, and now I seem to care about you, and now… and now this girl! It’s just preposterous!”
“Margaret, you’re being silly, it’s not—”
“Dr. Morgan!”
Dr. Morgan’s arm shot out, grabbing Dr. Greenwood’s bicep and squeezing it sharply. “That’s her!” Dr. Morgan snapped. “Stop talking, turn around, we can—”
“Dr. Morgan, wait up!”
Dr. Greenwood turned, trying to spot the girl calling after Dr. Morgan. Everyone she saw though was walking past with great speeds, their heads down, entirely avoiding eye contact. But then, just as Dr. Morgan started to turn and head off in another direction, a girl came running out from the sea of students and she very boldly caught Dr. Morgan around the waist, pulling the woman into a tight hug.
“Tess!?” Dr. Greenwood gasped.
Dr. Morgan promptly shoved the girl off her.
“Hi, Dr. Greenwood!” Tess beamed. “I didn’t realize you knew Dr. Morgan.”
“I didn’t realize you knew her either,” Dr. Greenwood answered. She looked to her friend as if to express her shock and disbelief. She was sleeping with Tess, Tess, of all people! Suddenly, everything made sense.
“She’ll claim we don’t and that I’m a major headache in her life,” Tess stated—and then she winked, winked, at Dr. Morgan— “but she’s actually rather fond of me, believe it or not.”
“I’m sure she’d say the same about me,” Dr. Greenwood answered, noticing the way Dr. Morgan was fighting to hide a blush.
Unable to take the exchange any longer, Dr. Morgan turned and stalked away. Dr. Greenwood followed—she still needed to get to the library anyway—and Tess skipped to catch up to them, walking along beside them.
“How long have you two known each other?” Tess questioned. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d mix being on opposite sides of campus, in opposite departments as well.”
“We were friends back in college,” Dr. Greenwood answered.
“College?” Tess practically gasped, reaching out and playfully hitting Dr. Morgan in the arm. “You had a friend since college, and you made me think you hadn’t any friends!?”
“Haven’t you a class to get to?” Dr. Morgan growled.
“Yes, I do, Miss Know-It-All,” Tess answered. She turned to Dr. Greenwood. “I do want to know about this friendship though, considering Dr. Morgan is loath to admit she has friends. I’ll see you in class, Dr. Greenwood. Goodbye, Dr. Morgan!”
Then, just as quickly as she had arrived, Tess tumbled away.
Once the girl was gone, Dr. Greenwood turned to Dr. Morgan and reached out, getting her attention. “I’m sorry,” Dr. Greenwood stated. “I can’t believe you’re sleeping with Tess Stanford!”
“Shush!” Dr. Morgan gasped, though there really wasn’t anyone close enough to overhear. “How do you know Tess?”
“She’s in my queer lit class!” Dr. Greenwood stated emphatically. “She’s my favorite student and—”
“Of course she is,” Dr. Morgan answered, rolling her eyes.
“She is, though more so now that I know it’s her!” Dr. Greenwood continued. “I kept thinking I should introduce the two of you because she’s so like you, Margaret, but I guess that’s not really necessary, huh?”
Dr. Morgan shuffled her feet slightly, struggling to maintain her threatening composure.
“I can’t believe she hugged you,” Dr. Greenwood muttered in disbelief. “You don’t even let me hug you, and…”
“Yes, well…”
Something registered in Dr. Greenwood and she fought back a gasp. She pointed to Dr. Morgan accusingly. “The second you’re done today, you’re coming straight to my office and we’re going to talk about this. I have to get to this meeting, but I swear, Margaret, we’re talking about this.”
Dr. Morgan tried to fight it, but eventually caved. She wanted, no, needed to talk to Dr. Greenwood about it anyway. Things were just perhaps a bit more complicated now that she knew who Tess was, and even messier knowing that Tess was in Dr. Greenwood’s class.
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