© Christina Hadfield
SENIOR YEAR
“She’s absolutely gorgeous.”
“She came into our lab last week and yelled at me to watch what I was doing. She spoke to me!”
“I locked eyes with her across the quad. I thought I was going to die on the spot. She makes me weak in the knees.”
“I know she likes women but damn, if she ever wanted to sleep with a man I am so volunteering.”
“I almost set my shirt on fire in lab because I was just daydreaming about her gorgeous face and her toned body—”
“She took her blazer off the other day and I saw her arms! Oh my god, her arms! I bet she has a six pack too. God, what I wouldn’t do to lick her abs.”
“I’m not even gay, but god I’d let her fuck me.”
Tess was losing it. She couldn’t go anywhere on campus without overhearing students gush about Dr. Morgan. It was annoying, inappropriate, and frankly, angering. Were crushes on professors common? Sure! But to go on and on about it in public! Disgusting!
Tess went to the café to grab some food. “I had a dream about her last night. I messed up my lab and she came in and scolded me, then taught me a lesson, if you catch my drift.” Tess left without getting any food.
Tess went to the library to study. “She just looks at me and it’s like a waterfall! Every night I just dream about her, touching me, taking me—” Tess didn’t get any studying done.
Tess walked over to Kai’s apartment. “I’m going to her office hours tomorrow, I think. I really hope she yells at me. And then, if she wants to kiss me—or more—I mean, I wouldn’t stop—” Tess turned around, in too bitter a mood to hang out with Kai.
Tess went to class. “If you don’t cower away or cry when she yells at you, she’s gets kind of frustrated and that’s super cute. I want her to choke me—” Tess counted down the seconds until class ended.
Dr. Morgan wasn’t faring much better either.
Dr. Morgan walked to the biology building from her car. “Hey, Dr. Morgan! I was just hoping to talk to you about our lab, I—”
“Ask questions to your lab TA, I’m busy,” Dr. Morgan forced out.
Dr. Morgan went to the café for some food. “Oh my god, look, it’s her! She’s even more striking up close. I… I just wish she’d—”
“Didn’t your parents ever teach you that it’s rude to stare!?” Dr. Morgan snapped at the girls. They jumped back, but then the one sighed wistfully and her friends fanned at her. Dr. Morgan scowled.
Dr. Morgan left her office to run to the copy room. “Dr. Morgan! I really like that blazer you’re wearing.”
“Flattery is disgusting, and kissing ass just diminishes your character,” Dr. Morgan barked out.
“Your shirt looks good too, though I can’t really see it… maybe if I helped you out of that blazer…”
Dr. Morgan’s eyebrows shot to her hairline. “Get out of my sight immediately!” she snapped, and though the girl didn’t run away, she did leave.
Fucking freshmen.
Dr. Morgan went back to her office. Outside her door there were five girls waiting. “Get out of the way,” Dr. Morgan snapped.
“Dr. Morgan!” a chorus followed.
“I was hoping to talk to you about your research—”
“I was just wondering if you had a minute to talk—”
“I’m interested in hearing about—”
“Could you just—”
“I would—”
“Get out of here!” Dr. Morgan shouted over them. “I do not have office hours right now and the hallway outside my office is not for social gatherings, do I make myself clear!?”
“Um, yes,” one of the girls forced out meekly, backing away. The others nodded, stepping back as well.
Mother fucking goddamn freshmen!
“Amy, I’m going to kill someone.”
“I think it’s kind of funny, actually,” Dr. Greenwood answered, fighting back a laugh. “You went from the devil on campus that absolutely no one would approach to the campus’s biggest bachelorette. It’s a little bit funny, you’ve got to admit.”
“I can’t even think on campus!” Dr. Morgan continued ranting. “They’re festering, all over, crawling around like a bad infestation of bugs! So, the whole school hears a rumor I’m sleeping with a student? That doesn’t mean I’m looking for more students to sleep with. Especially freshmen, by god, they’re eighteen!”
“If that,” Dr. Greenwood stated with a shrug.
“If I don’t get some peace of mind…”
“How does Tess feel about all this attention you’re getting?”
“What? Oh, um, I haven’t seen her at all this week,” Dr. Morgan answered. “Dr. Logan really needs her to finish up this paper for him, so she’s been super busy.”
“Too busy to even work on the paper in your office?” Dr. Greenwood questioned. “Margaret, she always does all of her homework with you in your office.”
“I… guess…”
“Maybe your newfound popularity is really getting to her.”
“Well, it’s certainly getting to me!”
“Maybe it’s time you tell her how you really feel…”
Dr. Morgan looked over to her friend. She pursed her lips but eventually broke, sighing. “I’ve actually been thinking about that…” Dr. Morgan admitted. “If anything, all these girls constantly throwing themselves at me and whispering things within my earshot… it’s just made me realize how much I don’t want anyone other than Tess. If… if we were actually dating, well then, I could just tell them to back off, that I was taken.” She stopped and shook her head, rubbing at her tired eyes. “That would never happen,” she sighed. “Tess has made it very clear that we aren’t dating, so she clearly doesn’t want to be.”
“Did she say to you, ‘Margaret, I do not now nor ever want to date you,’?”
“Well, no.”
“Then I think you need to talk to her about it.”
Dr. Morgan nodded. “You’re right, I suppose. This Friday then.”
Friday, Tess had one goal in mind and that was to fall into Dr. Morgan’s arms, fuck the woman senseless, and suck and bite every inch of bare flesh on the woman to mark every piece of her, leaving so many marks it wouldn’t be possible for Dr. Morgan to cover them all. Because Tess wanted all those annoying underclassmen to know that Dr. Morgan was taken. She was off limits.
“She’s mine, you dipshits.”
Tess stormed down the hall towards Dr. Morgan’s office. As was now commonplace, a crowd of girls were gathered outside Dr. Morgan’s office.
“She wouldn’t even open her door for office hours, said they were cancelled today,” the one sighed.
“I’m waiting until she leaves for the night,” another declared. “I’m hoping to convince her that I’d make good company this evening.”
“Yeah, well I’m here to convince her that I’d make good company for the whole weekend.”
“Maybe she’d be down for a threesome. I heard she’s really kinky. Are you in?”
“Oh, totally.”
“Move,” Tess harshly demanded.
“There’s a line here,” the one girl sassed. “I got here first and have been waiting the longest, so I get first dibs on when Dr. Morgan comes out of her office.”
“I’m not waiting in your dumb line,” Tess huffed. She turned and knocked at the door, knowing it was locked.
“She’s not going to answer,” one of the girls declared. “She hasn’t come out of her office in four hours and she’s been ignoring us.”
“Maybe learn to take a hint then?” Tess snapped. She knocked more firmly on the door, more incessantly.
Suddenly, the door flew open, only large enough for a single person to slip through, and Dr. Morgan reached out, grabbing Tess by the shirt before jerking her into the office, slamming the door shut behind her immediately.
“I don’t know how to get them to leave,” Dr. Morgan declared, turning away and running her fingers through her hair. She was stressed.
Tess smiled smugly and turned back to the door, noting the several girls with their faces pressed to the window. She flipped them off, sticking her tongue out at them, then she turned and jerked Dr. Morgan towards her desk and out of line of sight from the window. Then she kissed the woman square on the lips.
Dr. Morgan pulled away. “I don’t know how I’m going to get out of here tonight,” she muttered. “They’ve been out there for hours.”
“Who cares? We’ll just shove past them.”
“I… I don’t know. I, um, well I’ve been thinking and I just…” Dr. Morgan ran her fingers through her hair again, biting at her lip. Tess could tell she was stressed, a bit anxious even. She reached out and grabbed the woman’s hand, squeezing it comfortingly. Dr. Morgan relaxed into the touch.
“We need to talk,” Dr. Morgan then stated.
“Okay…” Tess answered, narrowing her eyes.
“I was just thinking, that maybe with, well, with all this commotion and stuff, all these girls have got me thinking, that maybe, well, I think I—”
“Do you want to sleep with them?” Tess snapped accusingly, jerking her hand away from Dr. Morgan.
“Wh—what?”
“They’re practically throwing themselves at you. They’re ripe for the taking. They’re young, hot, attractive, just your type, right?”
“I—what are you saying?”
“Like it’s fine if you want to sleep with them,” Tess barked out. “I mean, we’re just in a casual friends-with-benefits relationship, right? We never said we couldn’t see other people.”
Dr. Morgan’s eyebrow twitched, but she refused to frown. “Is… is that what you want? To see other people?”
“I mean, yeah, maybe we should see other people,” Tess continued hotly. “You’re a loner, right, who doesn’t do relationships. This was never going to amount to anything more anyway.”
“Right… of course it wasn’t,” Dr. Morgan muttered.
“So, it’s fine if you want to sleep with them,” Tess stated. “In fact, I think there’s two girls out there right now wanting a threesome.” She stormed back to the door. “Have a good evening, Dr. Morgan.” Then Tess fled to the hall, slamming the door shut behind her. She scowled at the girls in the hallway before storming away.
Dr. Morgan fell back against the wall beside her desk, slowly sliding down until she was sitting on the floor. Then, she cried, good and hard. Tears streaked down her face, normally silent, but that night she whimpered and wailed, burying her face in her hands. Outside in the hall, the girls eventually gave up and left. Dr. Morgan cried herself to sleep curled up in the fetal position on her office floor.
Tess slammed open her apartment door, throwing her things down on the living room floor, and then she looked to the ceiling and let out a raging scream. Elle and Kai, who were sitting on the nearby couch playing videogames, looked to Tess with concern.
“What on earth happened to you?” Kai questioned.
“Yeah, why are you here?” Elle asked. “Don’t you always get laid Friday nights?”
“Dr. Morgan wants to sleep with other girls,” Tess snarled.
“Oh…” Elle muttered out.
“And it’s totally fine!” Tess continued, though she was yelling. “We aren’t dating, she’s not mine!” Tess laughed. “She’s free to sleep with whoever she wants, and I mean, there are only so many hours in a weekend, clearly, I’d have to share.”
“Oh, Tess,” Kai whispered, leaping up off the couch. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why?” Tess questioned. “I don’t care. It’s fine. I can sleep with someone else too like this isn’t a big deal.”
“You seem pretty upset about it…” Elle stated.
“We said it was only casual. I don’t want a relationship so it’s really fine.”
“Is it really though?” Kai questioned. “Are you really okay with her sleeping with another girl?”
“Yeah.” Tess shrugged. She stomped over to the couch and fell down beside Elle. “I mean, why wouldn’t I be? It’s not like I have feelings for her! That’s ridiculous!”
Both Elle and Kai looked at her incredulously.
Tess scoffed at their reaction. “Do I look like someone who would fall for someone like her? Absolutely not! She’s like crazy successful, probably makes I don’t know how many figures. She’s got her life together, owns a house and a car. And like, god, she’s so literal all the time it’s super annoying! Like why would I want to be with someone who talks about chemistry all the time? You can’t do anything without her needing to correct other people or correct you! She’s got such a temper it’s like, oh my gosh, just chill out already! And she wakes up so grouchy! I mean, eww! I would never want to date someone like that!”
“So, you coming in here yelling about getting blown off so she could sleep with someone else is definitely not you being upset that she’s picking another girl over you and it’s definitely not you being salty because you secretly really like her and don’t want her sleeping with other girls?”
“Absolutely not. I’m just… kind of mad that I’m not getting laid tonight. But just kind of!” Tess stated. “I got that new vibrator in the mail the other day, so actually I already have a date for tonight too.”
“Oh god,” Elle muttered. “Kai, can I sleep at your place tonight? I don’t need to hear that.”
“Just put on headphones,” Tess snapped.
“Gosh, you not getting laid is a bad look on you,” Kai declared.
“I just don’t really like getting blown off.”
“Oh… darling… come here.”
Dr. Greenwood held open her arms, welcoming Dr. Morgan into her embrace, hugging her friend close. Dr. Morgan looked a righteous mess, and it was only early Saturday—she had the same clothes on from Friday, Dr. Greenwood noted—which meant something had gone horribly wrong. Mascara lined tear streaks covered the woman’s face, and she fell into Dr. Greenwood, burying her face in the other woman’s shoulder as she sobbed.
Slowly, Dr. Greenwood backed them into her house, and she led Dr. Morgan over to the sofa. She sat down, pulling Dr. Morgan with her, and she held and rocked the other woman as she cried, just as Dr. Morgan had done for her countless times.
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” Dr. Greenwood whispered. “Is it Tess? Oh, it must be. It is, isn’t it? Did you talk to her? I take it things didn’t go well.”
“She… she wants to see other people,” Dr. Morgan choked out.
“Oh, dear me. It’s alright. It’s going to be okay.”
“Why… why does it hurt like this?”
“Heartbreaks are always the worst,” Dr. Greenwood whispered. “The pain will subside though. It will go away with time. Until then though, you just cry all you need. I’ve got you.”
“Fuck, Amy, how did it get so bad?”
“Shh, shh, there, there. It’s going to be alright.”
“I just want her back.”
“I know you do, love, I know you do.”
Tess couldn’t even stand to look at Dr. Morgan the following week. She spotted the woman across the quad and promptly turned away, and she saw the professor down the hall of the biology building, but she turned away defiantly. If Dr. Morgan wanted to sleep with other girls, that was her choice, but frankly, Tess wasn’t going to be a part of it. She didn’t want to hear about it. Didn’t want to see a hickie from another girl on the woman’s body, didn’t want to find a lost bra at the woman’s house, didn’t want to smell the scent of another on Dr. Morgan.
Tess was furious. Her anger, honestly, surprised and slightly scared her. She reasoned with herself that it was just the suddenness of everything. Being blown off last minute sucked, no matter what it was. And it hurt more even, because Tess thought they were friends. But friends would never do that to each other. Maybe Dr. Morgan really was just a big jerk after all.
Dr. Morgan was unbearable to be around that week. She was back to her normal self, but tenfold. The foolish freshmen hardly flinched, which only further aggravated her, but she could get under the skin of the professors and she crawled her way into them, biting and scratching. She yelled at everyone, knocked things off desks, slammed doors, threw books. She screamed so hotly at Dr. Marlow that Dr. Marlow ran to Dr. Kemper just positively sobbing.
“They had a fight,” Dr. Kemper stated seriously. “This is not good.”
Every time Tess passed by a girl and overheard her making comments about Dr. Morgan, she simply wanted to strangle the girl. How dare that girl act like she could just sleep with Dr. Morgan? How dare she act like she could just waltz into the woman’s life without even trying, get a quick shag, and then be blissfully on her way? How dare they? It was stupid, stupid, stupid—
Jealousy.
Tess wasn’t sure what prompted her brain to think such a thing, but once the word was there, in its big fat green envy, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. She was jealous. She was upset that she was losing something she held very dear. She was jealous because she thought she had something special with Dr. Morgan, thought the other woman would always choose her over others, but now something had come between them and she was hurting, aching. She missed Dr. Morgan.
When had the feelings seeped in? When did Dr. Morgan go from being a curiosity, to a fantastic fuck, to someone Tess cared so outrageously deeply about? She cherished the time they spent together, even the time outside of the bedroom, especially those times. She cherished every little personal fact Dr. Morgan felt safe enough to share with her. She spent all her free time with Dr. Morgan, whenever she could. She longed to be around the woman, always wanted to be close to her, wanted to touch her, joke with her, tease her until she laughed, until she smiled. Tess treasured all of those moments.
When had she fallen in love? Why was she too much an idiot to realize it sooner? Did it even matter now that Dr. Morgan wanted to sleep with other girls? Would it even matter if Tess told her?
Elle knocked softly against Tess’s closed bedroom door.
“Hey, are you alright?” Elle called.
Tess sniffled, fighting to hold in her sobs. “Y—yeah,” she choked out hoarsely.
“Because I mean, you don’t sound it.” After no response, Elle continued, “Could I come in?”
“S—sure.”
Slowly Elle pushed open the bedroom door. She found Tess curled tightly in on herself in her bed, her crying rather evident. Elle crawled up onto the bed with her, pushing against her until Tess gave in and let Elle hug her.
“It’s alright. You’re going to be fine. What’s wrong?”
“It’s… it’s Margaret.”
“Uh huh.”
“I… I’m in love with her,” Tess choked out. “And I realized it too late. Everything’s ruined.”
“Love hurts whether it’s right or wrong.”
Tess choked out a laugh. “I can’t stop, cause I’m having too much fun,” she whispered.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“You’re an idiot,” Tess muttered. “Quoting What the Hell.”
“I’m not too good at comforting and giving advice, but I can joke around.”
“Thanks, Elle.”
“No problem.”
Kai and Tess trailed into the lecture hall building, noting the massive crowd and buzzed energy. It was like an exam day, but the girls knew baby bio didn’t have an exam, and chemistry lecture, which came after bio lectures, hosted their exams in the evening to give students more than fifty minutes.
“What’s going on in here?” Kai questioned.
“Hurry, hurry!” one of two students gasped, shoving straight into Kai and Tess before bolting past them. “I want to get a front row seat; we have to hurry!”
“I don’t know…” Tess answered dumbfoundedly.
When they finally managed to shove through the crowd and slip into the baby bio lecture hall—before the mass of students were allowed in—Kai turned to the junior TA’s, gasping. “Do you know what’s happening out there? It’s an absolute mad house! We almost had to sneak in through the maintenance hallway just to get in here!”
“Oh, didn’t you hear? Dr. Morgan’s teaching the intro chem lecture this morning,” the one junior stated. “The freshmen are absolutely bonkers about her. I don’t understand it. She still scares the daylights out of me.”
“She’s lecturing to the freshmen?” Tess questioned in disbelief.
“Yeah, doesn’t she hate freshmen?” Kai asked.
“I don’t think she’s too happy about it,” the other junior scoffed. “Just all the more reason I would have skipped lecture today. I guess there was a chemistry conference all the intro professors went to out of town, and so it was either she teach today or they just cancel class, and since when did the chem department ever do that?”
“The commotion about this is ridiculous,” Tess grumbled, heading down towards the front of the room where the professors were gathered with the other TA’s.
Once class began, things settled down. Occasionally Tess thought she could hear commotion rise up from the lecture hall down the way—where Dr. Morgan stood in front of hundreds lecturing—but it had to just be her imagination. The chem lecture hall was three doors down from their own room, and between it were two more baby bio lecture classes.
Some of the students in their class seemed distracted, though none of them quite as distracted as Tess. Tess did her best to stop and help students as they worked on worksheets, but she found her mind wandering, leaving her feet to wander around the room without commitment.
At about twenty-minutes left of class, Tess ran into three girls at the back of the room, all seemingly smuggling their backpacks out of class. Tess didn’t care, didn’t have any right to tell them they had to stay, but their giggles had her curious.
“Where are you all off to?” Tess questioned.
“Shh, shh,” the one giggled. “We’re going over to the chem lecture. We want to see Dr. Morgan teaching.”
“Yeah, it’s a super rare occurrence that might never happen again. We’ve got to go see it while we can.”
Tess let them leave and remained, though she stayed frozen in place, torn. Kai bumped into her a few minutes later.
“Hey, are you good?” Kai questioned in a whisper.
“Yeah, I, um… I’m going to run to the bathroom. Cover for me,” Tess answered, making up her mind, and then she promptly fled the bio lecture hall.
Tess had to fight her way into the chem lecture hall. Unlike the baby bio classes, which sat about one hundred and fifty students, the chem lectures sat over twice as many. The theater-like seats were entirely full of students and many more students—who probably weren’t even in the class—had gathered in the back of the room just standing and watching. Tess fought her way forward to the top of the stairs so that she could see down to where Dr. Morgan was.
Dr. Morgan had on a microphone and was explaining orbitals. She was lost in her own little world, pacing around the room, lecturing, pausing only periodically to write and draw things on the board. She was oblivious to the room before her. Tess marveled at the way she could command the room without even trying. Those students who were there to learn were all jotting down notes, intensely focused on her words. The students there to gawk were indeed gawking, their eyes never leaving the woman.
“She’s just so gorgeous,” Tess heard someone mutter from her immediate right.
“She would be amazing in bed. You can just tell from the way she carries herself. The way she commands others.”
“Do you think she sleeps with a lot of students?”
“Undoubtedly. I’ve heard she’s slept with at least five girls in our year already.”
“Wow. I wonder if she’d be interested in me…”
Tess clenched her fists. Still, she stayed in place, just watching, longing.
“Alright, so that just about sums it all up,” Dr. Morgan declared, coming to a stop at the front of the room. “Any questions?”
A girl in the very front of the room boldly raised her hand. “Are you busy tonight, Dr. Morgan?”
Murmurs broke out through the hall. “I can’t believe she just asked her that!” someone closer to Tess gasped.
“Chemistry questions, please,” Dr. Morgan forced out.
“It is. A question about our chemistry, that is,” the girl added.
The lecture hall erupted into noise, Dr. Morgan fighting to get everyone to quiet down. The outright unabashed flirting snapped something in Tess and with a scowl, she stormed down the stairs towards the front of the room.
“Class dismissed!” Tess shouted above everyone’s voices. The harshness, and loudness, of her tone caused the chatter to cut off immediately. Heads turned, watching as Tess stormed down the stairs.
“Tess?” Dr. Morgan questioned, her eyes landing on the girl as well.
Tess stopped just a few strides from Dr. Morgan and turned back to the class. Everyone was silent, but no one was moving.
“I said class is dismissed!” Tess shouted again, angrily. “Get out of here! Now!”
That did the trick. Students stood, scrambling for their things, as a mass exodus left the room. The girls at the front of the room remained though, lingering, still eyeing Dr. Morgan. Tess walked right up in front of them and demanded harshly, “Class is over. Get out, now!” The girls nodded, still freshmen meekly cowering under a senior, and soon they were hurrying on their way as well.
“What is the meaning of this?” Dr. Morgan questioned.
Tess turned, her eyes wide and full of fire, and she lunged at Dr. Morgan, grabbed the woman harshly, and kissed her equally as hard.
Dr. Morgan shoved Tess back, her eyes wild. “How dare you just barge in here like that and kiss me!? There are still students here!”
Tess, still holding the edge of Dr. Morgan’s blazer in her fist, stated hotly, “I don’t want you to sleep with other girls. I… I have feelings for you, and I don’t want to see other people.”
Dr. Morgan’s eyes widened, her heart hammering in her chest. She grabbed Tess harshly by the wrist and then jerked her out the front of the lecture hall and into the maintenance hallway.
The maintenance hallway was dark and dingy, pretty dusty and full of various building parts, but the main thing was that it was devoid of students, of other people all together, really. Once the door shut behind them, Dr. Morgan shoved Tess back against the wall, connecting their lips with a feverish passion. Tess wiggled against her, whimpered and moaned into her mouth, and Dr. Morgan pressed her back harder to support her when she felt the girl’s knees give out. When they broke for air, both were panting.
“You have a lot of gall interrupting my lecture like that,” Dr. Morgan husked.
“You have a lot of gall letting all those girls flirt so openly with you,” Tess answered.
Dr. Morgan paused, her heart still hammering, and Tess could feel it. She stared into the other woman’s eyes, waiting to see what would happen next.
“Did… did you mean what you said?” Dr. Morgan whispered.
“That I have feelings for you? Yes,” Tess answered with a confident nod.
Dr. Morgan pressed herself closer to the girl and looked down almost bashfully. “That’s good then,” she whispered, “because um, well, I have… I have feelings for you too.”
Suddenly, Dr. Morgan was spun, their places reversed, and Tess shoved against her, reconnecting their lips.
“Are you busy the rest of the day?” Tess gasped.
“No, but you have class—”
“Not anymore. Take me home.”
“Alright.”
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